Monday, April 28, 2008


The Last Fast Year. I had so much fun. It was always sunny. Life wasn't so irritating and crowded.

It was enjoyable. The Last Enjoyable Year.

Saturday, April 19, 2008

Vacation Brains

I hit my head at a show earlier. I thought it was during a Black Flag song but i've been informed that it wasn't. I don't remember. This is all going out live and direct.

The Cards still aren't doing too bad this year, despite a few later-inning hiccups. At 12-5, I think they might still be leading the Central, but I'm not sure at the moment and too lazy to look. Albert hit an absolute bomb tonight, into the unfortunately-named(still) "Big Mac Land". Picked up a few RBI's along the way, and was definitely better than the 6-3 groundouts he's been dishing out. Wellemeyer went 7 innings and gave a pretty good account of himself.
I've been trying to figure out with Cardinals outfielder I can identify with most. I decided to immediately eliminate the three big dumb white dudes(Rick Ankiel, Ryan Ludwick, and Chris Duncan), mainly for height purposes and also because their paths to the majors have been pretty typical up to now. Ankiel is a special case but whatever, you don't care or know what i'm talking about anyway. So that narrows it down to 2 guys: Skip Schumaker and Brian Barton.

-Skip is a scrappy white dude who's been up and down between the major and minor leagues, is balding, short, and long been labeled as an underachiever. He also goes by a name which wasn't given to him at birth.
-Barton is a tall-ish black dude with cool hair, a college degree(in aerospace engineering), a winning smile and no experience in the majors prior to this season.

Both are quick baserunners, without much bat power to speak of. Both are decent fielders. Neither would be a starter on any contending team in MLB. So who's it gonna be? Which one of these successful individuals can I equate my life's experiences to???...


The correct answer is Rico Washington. A longtime minor leaguer(11 years to be exact), Rico made the team out of spring training as a utility player only because of the misfortune that befell superior players. Mainly, Brendan Ryan getting hurt and Scott Spiezio getting released for being a drug addict. Rico is not a bad baseball player. He's just not a major league baseball player. Defensively, he can adequately fill any position in the field not including pitcher or catcher, without greatness or distinction. At the plate he is completely overmatched, even by subpar NL pitchers. He's got a little speed, a little pop(he hit a ground-rule double in game 2 of the season), a little height and a little hair. He's a not really a disappointment, since there wasn't a whole lot expected out of him anyway. He's getting his brief moment in the sun before being replaced by better personnel. Such is life, Rico. I feel your pain. Mediocrity is a Stroh's that only the less fortunate like ourselves can truly savior.

There was an earthquake this morning. It was cool for about 20 seconds or so. I told my mom that when it woke me up my first thought was, "I hope an H-bomb went off somewhere". She was unamused. During one of the aftershocks, I ran outside and stood on the ground, hoping to get that "real earthquake feel". I was unamused.

My head, back, and right elbow hurt like hell right now. Apparently no one catches stage divers anymore. Apparently it is easier to stagedive when you do it often, instead of once every 4 years or so. Apparently it pisses me off just thinking about it. Live music should only be enjoyed in the comfort of your own home.

A few(maybe 3 or 4) people wanted to hang out after the show, but due to my (hopefully) temporary brain damage I unceremoniously bailed and had a grand ole time driving home looking thru kaleidescope eyes without the benefits of Lucy's sky diamonds or any other helpers. Promises were made to check on me, so I turned my phone off in hopes of causing seconds of consternation and concern. I'm fine, just check my blog. Honest.

Tuesday, April 8, 2008


I continue to type yet for some reason the paragraphs keep spinning around the page as i'm reading it. That makes absolutely no sense.

I had a really great review of the Cardinals' first week but it somehow got deleted and/or lost when my internet connection crapped out. Also, I had a follow-up to the Chicago-Madison trip and a few other musings that are now lost to history. I'm willing to bet that history is better off. So I'll paraphrase:

-the Cards have decided to hang around and give everyone a nice big shitburger to eat instead of embarrassing themselves right off the bat. We'll see...

-Chicago people that I would actually be sad if they died in an atomic firestorm(in Chicago):
Katie Magee
Sara Reeble
Donny Jeffers
Matt Sears
Ryan Leary
Bill Smiles
Mike O'Malley
Tony Pacenta
Mark Hurst
Noelle Zarowny
Jeff Johns
*I had explanations for each but it really doesn't matter.
*I'm indifferent to the fate of various significant others'. Them's the breaks.

-I am a beast in the Metro-East

-Colleen Butterfield is the coolest person I know who lives in California.
-Alena BreaktheYadilolz is the coolest person that i've talked to a thousand times yet i've never met in real life that lives in St. Louis.

-Not working is cool until you realize you've lost most(all) of your social skills.

-Snowflake is back from Thailand for a month which means (a lot)more alcohol abuse. Hail Victory.